Kai Hiwatari One Shot
by Moonfire Neko
Summary: Well, I was asked to write this. It is kind of random I guess, but this is how I kind of see Kai Hiwatari as...some may have different point of views and such, but this is how I see him kind of or how I see he may feel.


**Kai Hiwatari**

He is caught living an un-known past, moving towards an un-known future. He uses tough words and tense actions to keep himself safe, to keep you from getting too close. Is it possible that he is afraid? Afraid after the life he had liven…the things he had seen, the suffering not only himself had gone through, but what his loved-ones went through. He strives to be better then he is, tries to perfect his skills, running away from what he once was, but it won't leave him alone. He can't escape from what he was on his own…no, he needs those around him, the friends that were always there yet un-seen.

Being caught in-between two people…two sides…like the water and fire that has to do with his name and his companion, a phoenix of excellent calibre. They collide, just as his inner emotions…confusion, chaos. A longing to just stay the same…to just hide behind the ice cold mask, and fiery passion, the longing to just stay the way you are…the way he is. The want to just stay the same…to stay away from everyone that means something…maybe he is afraid that he will get too close…then won't be able to return what is received…maybe he is scared of the compassion and the loyalty that he possesses, along with the power and strength.

Maybe he is reluctant to show that he cares, because then he won't be allowed to go back to his old self even for a day, the freedom to quietly walk out and among the shadows will be lost. This is his trademark, just as the long white scarf and blue triangles on his face are what he is known for. Isn't that what normally happens anyhow? When one opens up to others and shows their true colors, whether black or white, grey or neon, the comforting silences always forced to be loud. It seems that once you open your mouth, you're never allowed to just be quiet for once, to just slip into your own thoughts, your own world, to walk among the shadows and your own thoughts again. Maybe that is what he fears and why he stays away as much as he can, but give him time, don't force him, but let him know that you're there…sometimes sitting in the corner and just watching life is all that is required, all that is wanted.

Let him come on his own…he hungers for companionship and loyalty…to be understood…come into his world. Come into his world and hold out your hand…he is strong but is weak when it comes to himself, call out to him, and watch him smile. Don't treat him like he is weak, like he is pathetic, like he is worthless and needs to be watched, but give him something to live for. Give him purpose…not a bucket full of tearful pity.

Watching people fall before him time and time again hits his heart hard…not when his worthy opponents fall…but when those he cares for stumble, it bites into him. The inner rage as to why he's not good enough, why he can't save them or himself, it tears deeper and deeper into him…until he has to get up and walk away. Old memories that haunt his sleep, old memories of a life long suppressed, long forgotten but so well remembered…

Do you know what its like to be drawn into the darkness? What its like to hear it calling your name, beckoning you to come back to it, not to run to the light and to the caring arms of a loved one. No, to hear it calling you to turn back and walk back into just what you were running from, you may think it is stupid, but it is hard to conquer…that is what he fights every day.

He is wise, wise in his words, and his cautious, controlled actions, he tries to keep himself under-wraps so he doesn't do something that he can't turn away from. Every person he meets, he leaves a memory with, something important that they were taught by him, and what they taught to him. He draws something out of everything, whether it is strength or spite. He keeps his kindness limited, but not rare, he is careful with what he shows and says, so each smile and laugh is pleasantly recorded and treasured.

He lives in a world of his own, but is all too aware of reality, is it really his fault that he is who he is? Or is it the world itself and its cruel entertainment…does he loath it? No…he lives in it everyday, he draws from it and continues as a legacy…he walks alone…but welcomes a companion that can walk with a matching shadow…this is his way…his life…his trademark…don't try and tamper with it or change it…give ideas…give wise words…but not a hard hand. If you can find the key, give him a hint and then leave him to un-lock the mysteries in his own way….but be around for assistance, to wake him up again when he drifts away…that is the way into his heart. He has a willingness…a love that he waits to share with whoever can find the combination for the lock…he cares…just don't abuse and use it…don't ask for more then what he can give…but don't tip-toe and underestimate him either. He enjoys to be treated like a person…whether you're talkative or quiet; he enjoys the line of acceptance.

In his heart and mind stirs a longing to find his limit, and to drive himself to it, to accept a challenge and try and over-come it…the longing to be something more…to rise up runs warm through his veins as he walks through the cold, barren lands of Russia, and across the humid terrain of Japan. His two homelands, but who knows where he finds home, his restless spirit looks everywhere without finding a place to rest. His bit beast, Dranzer accompanies him on his journeys when his friends are not there, who knows what he believes in, maybe he isn't even sure himself.

As he walks in the shadows of the present, the memories of the past and urges of the future tug at his heart and mind, they push him on-ward, faces of those he knows and cares for flitter before his eyes. These pictures drive away the darkness in his mind; they fight away the old pictures of a hurtful past and hateful people. This is what he longs for…for relief from this past of uncertainty…and he finds it with love and power…the love that is shown to him from actions and the words of others, he can draw from it the strength that he needs. He doesn't want to be ambushed with affection, to be drowned in tears of sympathy…no…just to be reassured that he's not the only one living in this world, the freedom to come and go, to go on his own way, but to have a home to come back to. To see a smiling face when he returns…this is his reassurance.

Dark, uncaring, cold and rash can at times be his description, I'm sure that these words have been yelled at him more then once, this is just one side of him though…maybe not a mask…but just another side…He has another side…the kind and caring one, quiet and thoughtful, but cautious…this side is shown bit by bit…you just have to have the eyes and ears to notice it. Don't shun him for his silence; don't hate him for his wordless observation or his honest answers. . Don't think that the stubborn are stupid…or the hesitant uncaring…or the cautious unloving… Don't look down on him for his failures or his rare smile. No…embrace him…accept his sides…accept him as he is…please…don't try and force the quiet to yell, the wanderers to be caged in…don't hold down the spirit of those who are longing for freedom…that is the way to push one away…ask for diligence and loyalty…ask for reassurance of their presence…just ask for it…and you will be given it. This is the silent message that he tries to give through his violet eyes…but will anyone read it?

He finds joy and peace in fighting for what he finds is right, for succeeding, he will risk his life, fight to the death just to hear his friend's voice again. He will give his all if one manages to get into his heart, to talk to him and accept him for who he is, he will be there. Mysterious and confusing he may seem, but really he is quite simple, let him be, but let him come, he will fight and leave a word of advice for you when he leaves again.

Watch him walk away again, the long white scarf slipping out behind him as he quietly disappears through the doorway…people think that he is ditching again, leaving them. No, this is not true…he is watching…he waits in his own way for the times when he needs to protect…don't force him to stay when he longs to leave…let him go…he will come back again…let him go, though not with indifference…but let him go…this is also what he asks for…but he also asks to not be thrown out. Don't shove him away…shove him away into his inner turmoil again…then feelings of regret and guilt…the feeling that he has let you down…let him love and hate…let yourself love and hate…don't forsake him…don't leave him alone…please…don't leave him alone…he'll fight to the death for you…find the key…but don't fight for it…this is what he asks through his violet eyes.


End file.
